A Storm in a Teacup

A Storm in a Teacup

“I can’t wait until the cows come home”, thundered Vinay Bhatia, Director of Projects in Apex Consulting Services (ACS).

It was during the first quarter project status review meeting at the ACS headquarters in Mumbai. At the receiving end was a naïve Gopal Subbaiyan, the Graduate Trainee from the Project Management department. He wondered what cows have to do with project slippages.

Mr. Bhatia threw the project status report back to Gopal and said,

“Better to bounce this off to Ajay to iron out the kinks before showing it to me tomorrow” and then dialed Ajay,

“Ajay, there is something falling between the cracks in this report from this new kid on the block. Want you to do the fine combing. This greenhorn needs some sharpening”.

Gopal’s bewilderment hit the roof, as the terms ‘greenhorn’, ‘bouncing off’, ‘ironing the kinks’, ‘fine combing', etc were out of his language radar. Although these are proper words, Gopal could feel that they had different meanings and mumbled, “But, I always got good marks in English in the school”.

Gopal, from a village in south Tamil Nadu, had a simple upbringing. He graduated from an engineering college in a nearby small town, becoming the first-ever graduate in his family lineage.

Since joining ACS, he has been bamboozled with the barrage of clichés and idioms from Mr. Bhatia, every day. He was already struggling to cope up with the pace of Mumbai metro life. Gopal got closer to his colleague Ajay Prasad, a Delhite, who doubled-up as the ‘translator’ of Mr. Bhatia’s clichés, idioms, and expressions. Ajay guided Gopal in fine-tuning the report.

The next day at 10:00 am, Gopal walked into Mr. Bhatia’s cabin with the revised report and a little more confidence.

Glancing through the report, Mr. Bhatia said, “Looks good but need to put more meat on the bone” making Gopal wonder why Mr. Bhatia is talking about food when it is not lunchtime yet.

While reviewing the report, Mr. Bhatia continued, “Want to squeeze this vendor? There is no use flogging a dead horse, we can’t be chasing the tail”.

Closing the report, he ordered, “Get back to the drawing board and finish this report today as we have to launch before the rubber hits the road”.

A perplexed Gopal had nowhere to run but to Ajay. Ajay helped Gopal in deciphering the boss’s feedback and also in successfully finishing the report.

Being a diligent learner, Gopal quickly settled into his project management role. He also spent time with Ajay to derive contextual meaning out of Mr. Bhatia’s daily utterances, in addition to learning about clichés from the internet. By now, he had a fair understanding of the Bhatia-speak.

Gopal’s enthusiasm gradually led to an overload of projects. Mr. Bhatia sensed this quickly and in a weekly meeting, he said, “Gopal, I find your plate is full now; pass on your DCD project to Rajinder”.

Pointing to Rajinder he said, “Rajinder, you take over the project from today. The deadline is this year-end”.

After the meeting, Gopal met Rajinder in his office. Rajinder cryptically said, “Leave the file on my desk. I will look into it”.

It appeared that Rajinder was not keen on taking over the project, halfway through. Gopal duly sent a hand-over e-mail to Rajinder copying Mr. Bhatia.

Year-end was approaching; daily follow-ups were the order of the day. Everyone was staying late and taking work home.

As the head of projects, Mr. Bhatia was the most worried, “Guys I am running like a headless chicken. We should hit the bull’s eye this year too”.

He was upset with some projects, which were in deep red. This Monday morning, as everyone was driving to the office, a text message from Mr. Bhatia hit their mobiles, “Let us have a morning shout at 9”.

With all project managers assembled, it was a pure monologue, living up to its name, the morning ‘shout’.

Project by project, Bhatia blasted managers, left, right and centre. “If we don’t meet the deadline, there will be heavy penalties from the clients. Then heads will roll”, he openly threatened.

It was Gopal’s baptism into the year-end frenzy and he was relieved that all his projects were out of the red.

When the next item on the agenda, the DCD project was discussed, Gopal was in for a shock.

Mr. Bhatia yelled, “Gopal, your DCD project is in a royal mess. How are you going to bridge the gap?” With the year-end stress upon him, Mr. Bhatia forgot that the change in the project ownership.

Gopal tried to explain, “Mr. Bhatia, you asked me to..”,

“Stop it and come to the point. How are you going to deliver”, Bhatia raised his voice.

Gopal tried to point out, “Sir, but I have handed o..ov…”.

Bhatia went wild, “No more stories! Time is up for you. Clear the lump in your throat. Keep it short and simple. In few words..come on..come on..”, he went on and on, intimidatingly.

Gopal internally concluded, 'enough is enough', and what he uttered next stunned Mr. Bhatia and all in the room:

“Sir, what is the point in barking up the wrong tree”.

- Konda Radha

Written in July 2012

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